What the Fuck are These?

What the hell are these bikes? I've been seeing them all over the city this spring. If you ride one of these you can't be down with The Uncle. Not trying to run a circus over here. I'm all for regular looking bikes, motorcycles, unicycles, and even the occasional tandem (but it better be crucial to you getting laid, and you better be able to justify it in 250 words or less), but not this shit. Let's get it together people.